Baby Grace :: Revisited

So here we are 10 months since Baby Grace passed away & I am wanting to complete the roadside memorial in time for the 1yr anniversary. I allowed a "no" (OR should I say a lack of a "yes") to stop me from doing what I said I would do. See back in Dec, 2006, I contacted Sun Recycling & pitched my idea for the memorial. They said they would consider it and get back to me - I never heard back from them.

In the process of planning this memorial, I've had a profound encounter with this 1 day old child. She showed me the value of acceptance & forgiveness. Her journey ended the same day it started, right before Thanksgiving. In her only day of life, she accomplished more then most of us do in a whole lifetime. She suffered a lonely death, but she did not depart alone. As previously explained, her 6 lb body was found in a construction debris dumpster with the umbilical chord still attached. She was dumped there right after the mother gave birth.

Over the months of following her story, I learned the value of forgiveness. I learned that from her short life. Forgiveness is a powerful gift and it is yours for the taking. All we have to do is give it away or accept it when it comes our way.

All of us do things that we regret & cannot take back. Some more difficult then others, but God forgives all. All we have to do is ask for forgiveness. Now just imagine, really, a lonely mother (possibly at the darkest moment in her life) is looking back at what she has done & not sure if she can forgive her own actions. Just imagine hearing the soul of her 1 day old child whispering "mom, I forgive you..." How would that feel?

Would I be that open and be able to forgive someone who has done me wrong?

So thru this encounter, I get to discover my humanity. Yes, I get to see the flaws of our humanness and the harshness of our humanity. But I also get to see the greatness that we are capable of! See Baby Grace had a regular, loving funeral. She was buried by 50 people who loved her, strangers as they may be. They got to show her love and acceptance. No, there was no mother in sight or family to take care of her, but she did not leave this earth alone.

She was taken care of by the 19yr old kid that found her in the dumpster among the construction debris. She was taken care of by the 3 strangers, owners of the recycling plant where the dumpster dropped of its load. She was not alone nor lonely anymore. This is true acceptance!

This really fills my soul to know that she was loved as she crossed the River Styx.

By creating this memorial, I feel that I can create a public symbol that would deliver the message of forgiveness. I feel that the memorial will let the people, who cared for her, know that her life did not end in vain. It was a life that contributed to many people. Creating the memorial would not only commemorate them, but would also express to all that she can be remembered with dignity.

And I can live with the thought that she did not die in vain.

Sharing a Personal Loss (cont)

I would like to share with you what I've been feeling now that my mother has passed away. I have had the story that I need to be 'strong' for my family. It's been many years that I have not allowed myself to freely show fear, joy, anger, excitement, disappointment, grief - forget being vulnerable! I've dealt with a lot of death in the recent years and I 'had' to be strong. I do not let anyone know that I am fearful of death & that I'm afraid that one day you too will leave me.

When my father-in-law & mother-in-law died I 'had' to be strong for family. Mima was ill for many years with Alzheimer's. She no longer knew who her family was. She did not know that she had a daughter, a son-in-law & grandson. I remember the day my wife asked her "I am your daughter, do you remember me?" and Mima replied "I don't have a daughter!" My wife cried for days! I tried to protect my son from that. What would it feel like for him to hear that she has no clue of who he is. He can't comprehend what is happening to her. I don't know why I did not cry at her funeral - maybe to protect him or actually to protect me from feeling that pain.

When Pipo died, I promised Pipo that I would take care of his daughter & grandson. I promised him that I would not let anything happen to them. The seven months we took care of Pipo in our home, I protected my son from Pipo's hollers of pain. I would create distractions so that he would not have to 'deal' with Pipo's illness & looking back - so that I can escape that pain.

Now fast forward to today. Again I pretended that I would be alright. My ego really has me believing that I can deal with the death of mom. All this time I have been 'strong' & I can deal with death. BUT really I was pretending that I am OK. All this time I have been hiding the fact that I am afraid, feel vulnerable & alone. I kept myself busy so that I would not have to see mom wither away like a wilted rose. How I end up being is closed off from my own feelings.

So when I was interacting with my friends & family, I was really hiding out. Hiding my feelings. I did not want to get too close because they too will leave me & I am going to hurt all over again! I would not tell anyone about my life, because of the fear that they may find me out or may judge me. The impression I get is that I leave them in a funk trying to deal with my disconnect. For that I apologize.

So what you can count on from me is that I will be free to express my feelings, will no longer pretend to be strong & will be present to your (& my own) greatness. I promise to be there to hear you and to listen without judgement; I promise that I will be with you when you need me; I promise I will be free to be me.

Tomorrow is my mom's funeral service & I do not have to be 'strong' anymore. I do not have to pretend that I have it all together. I will be free to be me and free to be with my friends and family.

God has blessed us with a great mother, but even more so with the legacy she created - our family.

Sharing a Personal Loss

"Peace I leave you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid". John 14:27

This was my mother's possibility for the world. After she quoted these words last Saturday, I saw her world transform. People came from NY, DC and even Ecuador to be with her. They all shared how they have been touched by her. How her way of being was imprinted in their souls and the magic she caused in their lives

She released her bottle full of angers, recentments and caused our world to transform before our eyes.

Last night my mother passed away in peace as the example of these words. Her last wish was that our family carry on her legacy of being United in Peace.

We are here on this earth if only for this moment - so make your moment matter and be the cause of transformation in your world.

My peace I give to you

for Virginia ::: David's Story

Over the next three months David & I communicated via email. He expressed his love for his daughter & the heartache it was to lose her. He expressed the sorrow, the loneliness & his hopes for the memory of Virginia.

I got to know David a little more during those emails. And I got to know who Virginia was for him. She was everything to him!

"I have had dreams, and I have had heartaches, I have lived, I have loved, I have hurt inside and out. Some crushed dreams (my daughter) cannot be overcome, no matter how hard you try. I am a welder by trade and her descansos will last longer than most. But it to will be uprooted at some point by someone who knows nothing of the story that goes with the memorial. It is the passing of wind and sand and time. Perhaps someday they will come to understand the grief that passed that spot so very long ago."

All he wanted to do is pass on his folklore. He wanted someone to listen, maybe someone who could understand the pain. But sadly, I just received a final email saying goodbye.

David was on his way to be by Virginia's side where he can find his happiness again. He did not explain anything more then just "I'm ill" and that he could no longer be in communication. I felt like I was loosing a friend. But he requested that he be allowed to die in peace.

So my reply to David was:

"David, all I know now is that God is there with you & that puts my mind at ease. I WILL find a way of seeing your daughter's descanso. The distance from Florida to Arizona is great, AND it is not going to stop me. Know that I already see your devotion and will get to see your creation. I will continue to have you & your daughter in my thoughts forever.

I wish you well & may God be with you on your journey."

I made a promise to David, that I am not sure how to keep it. I promised him that the memory of his daughter would not vanish with his passing & that the descanso he built for her will be remembered even after its demise.

All David wanted was that the memory of Virginia never fade and that his descanso for her, still remain alive.

All I know of David is his Unconditional Love for his daughter & I cannot let his folklore just vanish. I feel he has entrusted in me, the preservation of Virginia's memory. And now also the preservation of David's story.

Good Bye David.

We Live, We Love, We forgive & Never Give Up

I just received an email from a friend, Donna. She sent me Superchick's "We Live" (MP3) song - this is such a great song! The part that is most impactful is:

The weather in life outside is storming
But what would it take for the clouds to break
For us to realize each day is a gift somehow, someway
So get our heads up out of the darkness
And spark this new mindset and start to live life
cuz it ain't gone yet
And tragedy is a reminder to take off the blinders
And wake up and live the life we're supposed to take up
Moving forward with all our heads up cuz life is worth living

It comes at a perfect time. My wife & I came to the conclusion, this morning, that we (including my son) have not really dealt with the passing of my father-in-law. Yes, we were fine that it was his time to go, & our son accepted it - but we never really had closure. We were just discussing it this morning because our son says that Pipo (grandpa) comes to talk with him at night & that he is scared. He doesn't even want to talk about Pipo because it makes him "cry."

This song has allowed us to forgive and remember to live & to love. We are now setting a date for a memorial service now that the 3yr anniversary of his passing is coming up.

"We live, we love, we forgive & never give up!"
Thank you Donna for the song. It is inspiring and a great message.

Baby Grace :: Through Forgiveness...

Through forgiveness, which essentially means recognizing the insubstantiality of the past, and allowing the present moment to be as it is, the miracle of transformation happens not only within but also without. A silent space of intense presence arises both in you and around you.

You dissolve discord, heal pain, dispel unconsciousness--without doing anything--simply by being and holding that frequency of intense presence.

- Eckhardt Tolle, The Power of Now

The other day I was emailing back & forth with a new friend i've just met. She is a friend who lost a child to a traffic accident in 1989. She asked me a simple question "I am curious to see if you know [her son] and if he visited you before he left this earth." I replied that I've only had one child-like energy ever visit me. I shared that about a year ago, I visited a memorial of a child & the message she wanted to give was for her mother to have peace & to assist her parents in learning to let go. And as I am typing this, I don't stop the sentence there. I continue to type "Baby Grace - I feel she wants to find her mom & to allow her to forgive herself for what happened."

I did not have that in my mind & I did not indent to write that down - where did this come from? It just showed up right then & there! So now I can see the reason why I've had an urgent need to continue creating a roadside memorial for Baby Grace. I never had a purpose & never could explain why I was doing this. I was just driven to do so!

With this sentence I got my reason & now I am even more driven to be unreasonable & make my presentation to Sun Recycling. Baby Grace made such an impact on so many people's lives. And the only reason for doing this is so that she can allow her mother to find forgiveness in this world for what happened to Baby Grace.

The memorial will give the world a message that we can move on - in spite of the tragic circumstances - only so that Baby Grace's mother can do so as well. And so in doing that, I feel that all mothers out there in a similar situation can also allow themselves to just forgive the past.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!

Take Down That Memorials! By Force (Part Deux)

Man has built in himself images as a fence of security – religious, political, personal. These manifest as symbols, ideas, beliefs. The burden of these images dominates man’s thinking, his relationships, and his daily life. These images are the cause of our problems, for they divide man from man.
--Jiddu Krishnamurti (1895-1986, Indian Philosopher)

Again I was reading up on opinions that people have towards roadside memorials. More of the same responds "sorry about your loss... but grieve in private"; "those things are dangerous... distracting drivers."; and even "I am sick of those dam memorials... I don't want to be reminded of death."

But my opinion is that these memorials are not about death. For death can be honored at the gravesite. I feel that the memorials are about life!

Huhhh! you say.

Well memorials say more about the person who puts it up then the person who has passed. It talks about what they have to deal with now that their loved one is gone. They express their loss and serve it to the world to take a drink. Some of us taste the soup of death and call it bitter, while other savor it for what it is - A fact of life. Allow them to expresses their world and the experience of it.

"a man's dying is more the survivor's affair than his own"
- Thomas Mann

I want to believe that these memorials are about life, love, remembrance & ultimately a celebration of life itself. I want to believe that the family are concerned for their fellow human being and are warning us to drive safely.

So my way of accepting - no creating! - my life is to see what is available for me out of this experience. What I see available is to experience life to the fullest & to see life in the following way:

Life :: Life is a glorious cycle of song (- Dorothy Parker)
Love :: Love is a thing that can never go wrong (- Dorothy Parker)
Remembrance :: Live in the present & make it beautiful (- Ida Scott Taylor)
Celebration :: Praising what is lost makes the remembrance dear (- Shakespeare)

I will create myself as a being with "images" of life that do not serve as my fences...
...but serve as windows to the world. Here is where I will survey the horizon and from where I can step outward to what is possible.

Take Down That Memorials! By Force

In doing some more research about other roadside memorials out there, I came across a news story from Chattanooga, TN. I'll condense it to the following:

The debate over a roadside memorial continues in Hixson... The families of three young women, killed in a a car wreck... set up a memorial...neighbors keep taking it down... people who live in the West Point Subdivision are voicing concerns... Linda Denton lost her daughter in the crash and says this memorial is not only about mourning her loss but also educating the public on safety... Some neighbors say... its a distraction to drivers, while others said the moms should be able to put up a memorial...

The comments to this story really covers all the sentiments that are associated with roadside memorials. The gamut runs from sympathizing with the families to total outrage & anger. Either way it is emotionally charged. One comment posted, I think, really hits the nail on the head.

Sue Shepherd wrote:

"...A memorial won't bring them back and will just clutter up the roadway. Imagine if every death in an automobile was memorialized along the road, there wouldn't be a space without a cross."

Maybe that is the point! If we really were aware to the fact that over 50,000 people die in America every year from vehicular accidents - we would be shocked. But we only see it in bits and pieces - one news story here & there.

I was not aware of the math and no I did not have it in perspective. So if that number does not register with you, then imagine that in the whole Vietnam War we lost 58,177 soldiers! And each year we are loosing almost that many neighbors, friends, brothers, sisters, mothers & fathers - and yes kids. Families are loosing CHILDREN! and that is the point for making the grieving and the memorials VERY public.

I hate to admit it - but the memorials are a daily reminder of our own mortality - I know I did not want to see that! But if you notice, memorials are popping up more and more. Every day in my search for new markers, I find new ones. I can honestly say that, sad as it may sound, I will have plenty of material to write about and to photograph in the near future.

So take the families' message for what it is and just DRIVE SAFELY!

Map of Roadside Memorials

I just started a new map of the Roadside Memorials that i've documented to date. Many are part of the Descansos.org project webpage plus many more that I have not been able to update.

Updating the images will be an on-going process so check back soon. Also I will make it a permanent link on the "Links" side bar. ---->

Please take a look - maybe you might even see one in your area.

Baby Grace :: Experience the Twinkle and Sparkle of Life

I just received a preliminary sketch of Baby Grace's roadside memorial. I'm really excited that Nancy B. decided to assist me on this project by preparing this sketch. I plan to make a presentation of this roadside memorial to Andy P. to see if he would allow me to place this memorial at the entry to his recycling plant.

So you may be asking yourself why I would do this for a child I never knew. This baby was not a relative of mine - I don't even know what she looks like. My answer honestly has to be "I don't know!"

I don't have a valid reason for doing it... nor can I even justify an excuse for NOT doing it. I don't know why or for what reason, I just know it's something I must do. If I don't do it then who will!?? Who will make sure that her death was not in vain.

See Baby Grace died without a mother to acknowledge her, no family to take care of her body and in spite of that - she did not die alone. The twinkle of a newborn's life was not lost on the factory worker that found her body. The sparkle her life had to offer is NOT wasted - it is recycled back to the universe! Back into you & I.

The way I see it is that this little angel came into this world to show us that a single soul - in one day of life - actually made a difference in our humanity by touching many lives! She made an impact in the lives of the recycling plant owner who was inspired to pay for the funeral; on the 50 people compelled to go to the funeral of a child they did not know; and she made an impact on my life! She has touched more people in her single day of life than many of us allow ourselves in a whole lifetime.

What her life inspired in me is to :
Imagine what I can do with the years of my life...

How many people, in my life, do I actually have a positive impact on? How many people do I leave them in better spirits/ feelings/ state of mind, then when I first met them? I yelled at my son before leaving the house; at the gas station I tossed the cash on to the counter; on the road I cut somebody off really close. See, like many of us, I live my life like I don't have time, I'm too busy running my business - too busy needing to make a living - too busy raising a family, that I do not have time to care about the other.

This is not living - that's surviving!

I am too busy with the everyday stuff that... I forgot to live life to its fullest. Forget to appreciate what & who is really around me in my life. I know the postman got a 'get out of my way' look this morning.

So from what I see missing, I am inventing the possibility of...
experiencing the Twinkle and Sparkle that life has to offer each and every one of us...

With this new insight on life & with the experience of Baby Grace's life, I can really see that experiencing what life has to offer would really be living life to the fullest. Enjoying every moment like it really matters... because it really does.

"Carpe Diem! Seize the day, lads! Make your lives extraordinary!"

"--Dead Poets Society

Strangest Coincidence...

Today the strangest 'coincidence' occurred for me. As I am driving down the Fla Turnpike I am on the phone with my mother (headset of course). See two major things were occurring for me these last weeks.

First :: My mother is ill (diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and given only 9 months to live). She had an incident this weekend and went to the emergency room. I was feeling guilty because I was out of town for the weekend and now Monday I am loaded up with client meetings. I did not allow time to be with her - and its four days now. I'm feeling really guilty about this - even my sister made a point that I have not spent to much time with my mother since she became ill. She tells me "we don't have much time with her..." This whole weekend I have been dealing with what could happen to my mother.

Second :: I have been thinking of the roadside memorial of Laura Maness. I even dreamt about her life and was visualizing the decorations on her memorial. See her memorial is decorated with flowers, toys and angels. I was considering going to the memorial and retaking some pictures, but have not made time for that. I was also thinking of the legislation that her husband Lawrence Maness got passed to create Spouse Day in her memory. See Laura left behind 5 kids and Lawrence would honor her commitment to her family while she was alive by having a "spouse day" for her. The legislation of Spouse Day takes that honor and makes it a possibility for all of us.

Both of these events have been keeping my mind preoccupied. So now back to the Turnpike. As I hang up the phone with my mother I start to feel that I should be there with my mother - instead of driving to Miami to meet with my clients. The little voice in my head is telling me "Who knows how much longer you are going to have with her..." I resigned myself to continuing my trip to Miami - and shrugged-off my guilt about my mother. so my story is "Oh sure she will understand - after all I need to keep my business running and clients just won't understand."

At this moment my rear passenger-side tire explodes! I try to cross to the shoulder to the right - but there are a couple of cars there. The tire feels more like its ready to fall off the rim, so I slide over to the center emergency lane. This lane is barely wide enough for my car so I squeeze in - trying to leave myself room to change the tire and not be in the travel lane. I have no idea where I am nor what exit I am near.

As I sit there for a couple of minutes trying to make calls to towing companies and I start to get frustrated that its going to take several hours to get this done. Again I think about my mother and the fact that I am not with her nor am I going to make this meeting with my clients. I got frustrated and open up the door. As I start to step out of the car, I freeze in my tracks.

I froze because I am standing facing the roadside memorial of Laura Maness just across the road. This sends goose bumps up my spine and causes me to breakout in tears! I had no clue where I was - until that moment! Forget the meeting! I start to think of Laura's kids - they do not have a mother alive to be with. I do! Laura was a mother of 5 kids and she lost her life in her prime. My mother also has 5 kids and now is stricken, with terminal cancer, in her prime. No coincidence here! I have been dealing with both of these items and in this moment I am confront by both issues.

I consider this moment to be an omen - trying to show me where my relationship with my mother is heading. If things continue as they are I may lose my mother before I could say goodbye. I breakdown in tears at the thought of losing my mother.

This is the kind of thing that brings me back to reality and allows me to see what is really important in this life. So what I got from this experience is the possibility of Love, Relatedness and Courage. With courage I can face my mom's illness & possible death; I can love her how she is and how she is not - right now! & being related to who she is fills me with hope.

Baby Grace :: Update

This morning, in the process of moving my office, I found a copy of the letter I wrote to the CEO of Sun Recycling on December 28, 2006. Sun Recycling is where Baby Grace's body was found in the dumpster back in November. See on Dec 21st, Sun Recycling provided a funeral service to honor her death and again I had a hard time dealing with this story. I could not live with the news story that one-day old Baby Grace, was laid to rest. I could not accept that a human being could discarded a baby like yesterday's trash. I could not accept that a human being can be so cold & heartless.

But judgements do nothing but criticize. Actually what I could not accept was living with my own inadequacies - my story that a single human cannot make any difference. See my story sounded like this: "That's just the way things are..." and "It's unfair but what can I do about it?..." I have valid reasons for being this way & I hear that story running like a tape in my head - over and over again... I got sick of it!!! I cannot just sit here & let it go by like yesterday's news - into the trash. I could not accept that things had to be like this.

Appropriately so the week I was looking for what I can do, the S.E.L.P. classroom was about "being unreasonable." Living outside of the reasons we give ourselves; beyond the limits we live in; beyond an ordinary life and just living into an extraordinary life. So I took on that challenge. I want an extra-ordinary life!

So I made an "unreasonable" request! My letter requested that, besides being unreasonable in providing funeral services for a baby he never knew, I wanted him to be even more unreasonable. I wanted him to allow me to create a Roadside Memorial for Baby Grace on his property. The request was so that I can create my live outside my limits and beyond my reasons. And so that in living an unreasonable life I can dream of an unreasonable society where - not one more baby gets discarded into the trash.

A month went by with no reply and I started to feel small again. My reasons showed up again. Reasons like: "this is just too morbid" - "too weird." - "I don't have any relationship with this poor baby." - "this is too much work!" It is these very reasons that kept my humanity small!

So this morning, as I am thinking of this letter, I get a phone call from Sun Recycling. The call caught me off guard since the man, Andy P. quickly introduced himself and went right into - what are you asking of us! I thought he was going to say no - but he went right into "what do you want to create and what do we have to deal with."

I am amazed at the generosity of these men! The level of commitment, love and compassion. This is inspiring to see the better side of our humanity.

Only in Our Memories...

Only in our memories does one exists. I have gone years without seeing a loved one and then out of the blue I get a thought about them & remember them. The memory of what it was like to be with that person makes that moment real for me. Happy or sad emotions fill up inside me and I relive that memory. It is real for me all over again. So even if the person no longer exist - physically - consider that they exist in my memories.

We create our existance and experiences - and that energy lives only because we choose to have it live as a part of our memories. I believe that our energy never disappear - it only changes form.

So this came up because as I was thinking this, I turn on a Tivo recording of Star Trek NG. And the episode - by no coincidence - is of the death of Tasha Yar. Yeah! I know it's a fictional show but the message of the memorial service really impacted me. Tasha, at her memorial services, shows up as a hologram. As she addresses each crew member in the service she end by saying the following:

"Death is that state in which one exists only in the memory of others...
...which is why it is not an end. Just lots of good memories."

At the end of the service, Data seems puzzled & questions Capt. Picard about the gathering:

"The purpose of this gathering confuses me. My thoughts are not for Tasha, but for myself. I keep thinking how empty it would be without her presence. Did I miss the point, Captain?" To this Capt. Picard replies, "No Data - you got it."

Memorial service for Lt. Tasha Yar
Skin of Evil - Star Trek NG

My point is that no one (dead or alive) is really gone - lest we forget.

Learning to forgive

Every morning

Imagine every morning waking up and feeling;
"I don't want to live another day without my
child in my life."

Feeling that, on the side of the highway
is where my child left this world.
Alone and hurt, you left this life
To live anew -
free of pain and sorrow.

But waking up, I see your empty bed.
Everybody tells me that I must get closure.
So again I try gathering your clothes and
start putting them in boxes - ready to go.
But as I drive to work and see your memorial,
on the side of the road, the tears come...
all over again.

Every morning I feel the rage and anger
for that careless driver who took
your life from me.

Every night I feel your absence.

But every morning I awake again
and try to live another day
because I know I must.
God does have bigger plans for me.

I wake up and continue my life because
I don't want yours to be forgotten.
I need to let the world know that
you are a person of significance.

That you mattered - to me!

I need to remember, I need to live!
To be free and to laugh again.
I am the only one that can set me free!
And for that I need to learn to forgive.

Forgive them, forgive you...
- forgive me.


These words came to me early in the morning. I awoke and sat down with the urge to write. These words are not mine and the feelings expressed are not my feelings but feel them I do. I am sobbing with such pain and sorrow as I write these words. The pain and suffering that these words express is running all my emotions and are mine to feel. I am feeling the pain of a parent who has lost a child - though I have not.

At first I reasoned them to be hollow because I have not lost a child so how can I be writing in first person. I even tried to rewrite them from a stranger's perspective & It just would not be. So I accepted what was coming to me.

Secondly a thought entered my mind for a moment. I always have these premonition in my dreams - so could this be of a future day in my life?? NO not my only son!!!! The emotions became horrifying for a second and the pain and sorrow became mine. Then I got present to where these words were coming from.

About 2 weeks ago I took pictures of a roadside Memorial of a 9yr old girl who lost her life because of a careless driver. The DUI driver ran a red light & side swiped the van driven by this little girl's mom. I am at the site taking pictures & I get this overwhelming sensation that someone is watching me & trying to tell me something. No not an average Joe, but an other-worldy somebody. So I got anxious & I freaked out - hastenly I took the pictures and left.

Ever since then, the face of this little fair-skinned, platinum blonde girl is in my thoughts. I have seen this face before & now for the past two weeks, I cannot shake it. So now I realize that these words are a message that must be communicated.

So you might say that I have just made a giant leap, but it is clear to me the connection. The message is what was being communicated to me at the memorial site - it is what freaked me out - I just did not want to hear it at the time. But I am the one who gets these messages & this is what needs to be communicated. As I explained in previous post, I have been getting this type of messages most of life.

But several months ago I started to accept this ability and declared a new possibility to live my life around.

I declared : The Possibility of being the One to deliver God's message of Peace, Love and Fulfillment.
And here it is - I must deliver it. Every bit of my body tells me that this I must do.

Now don't think that these messages come clearly and easily to me. Its been two weeks of ups and downs - maybe because I was resisting it. Lots of confusion and unclear thought has occurred in my life. So when I declared my possibility I asked for clarity and signs of what I needed to understand. And I got those signs.

The way that I get them is thru subtle signs in my own life. Over the past two weeks I've had incidents where my communications with others has gone wrong. Far too many occurrences where what was expressed either did not make it to the party intended or just misunderstandings of what I had communicated.

You may call them coincidences, but I do not believe in coincidences anymore. All my life I've have had far too many signs of that - just that I did not want to see them.

So when I looked at what was occurring, I found what was missing in my mode of communication. I saw that I was missing clarity and just allowing the communications to occur. As soon as I distinguished that & declared the Possibility of Clarity and Self-Expression - bam! this message comes thru loud and clearly.

Again the pattern is that I have a vivid dream and in the morning I know I need to act. Now with my new possibility the next step requires action. Ok so how do I communicate the message of peace & acceptance to a parent who is probably still grieving and may not want to hear it? How do I tell a parent that this is the message I got from her daughter when I visited her memorial?

Like Nike says... "Just Do It!"

Heated Debate

The debate of Roadside Memorials is still a heated topic. Many people get offended at seeing roadside memorials. The news reports state that they are "eye-sores." Wilted flowers and flat balloons are just "trash littering up the roadways." Even police officers report that they are "hazards."

So today I read an editorial on a roadside memorial in Oregon that hits all the hot buttons! It is a marker for Rachel Soto. She was suspected of robbing three businesses at gun point. The most mundane : a 7-11 for a pack of cigarettes - and - the worst: $100 from a local business. She was allegedly on drugs and was a petty thief.

Police shot her as she sat in the back of a parked car, where she allegedly pulled a gun on approaching officers. The family placed a cross in her memory at the site where she was killed. But the neighbors feel that a memorial and associated activity such as "drive-by visits" serve no point in " memorializing a place where an apparent bank robber was shot..."

These quotes may sound hard & callous at first. They do have a hint of fear and stereotyping with the comment "drive-by visits" and "Bank robber". The neighbor quoted does seem to be afraid, but with a reason to be angry. The report states that in one incident family/friends visiting the cross have "climbed into his boat, parked in his driveway, and they started tearing stuff out of it." So the neighbor moved the cross away from his property out to a major intersection.

Of course the family of Rachel Soto were angry to see that the memorial site was moved. So much so that they started a fight with the neighbor. Now the neighbor sleeps with a loaded gun.

-- I see how wars get started --

Oh my GOD! What I hear in all of this is disrespect for one another. The neighbor is afraid & angry - Not in my backyard! So he moved the memorial. The family/friends are wrapped up in the loss and are not being sensitive to the other people affected by this tragedy.

Everybody is concerned for what is theirs
-- what about the others...??

Obviously they each have their opinion - my opinion is that they are all really missing the point. The memorials and our reactions to them, are stating to our society that something is wrong. Please pay attention! This is not just happening to one person - outside of my immediate circle - this is an ailment in our society.

The reason the memorial is displayed in public is to get a subconscious message across:

-- Help me do something to prevent this from happening to the next family! --

Human Nature...

If you believe as I do ...

no one truly dies until there's no one left to remember them.

...then you can understand why somebody would put up a roadside memorial marker for a loved one.

This came up because I was reading the Wichita Eagle blog and there were a lot of comments by people who cannot understand why somebody would put up a marker. The comments ranged from "I can sympathize, but..." to "I don't get it..." to some as callous as "People eventually get over the death of a loved one. That's human nature..."

When a loved one dies of natural causes, yes grieving is just a matter of time because there is nothing that "I could have done to prevent it."

But when their life is taken by a careless/ distracted/ drunk driver - before their time - then no! it is not as easy to get over it.

I know families who are still grieving, even years after the loss. Some fatalities were so tragic that there was no body to bury. Where can they go to show their respect? The only spot they have is the actual site where their loved one took their last breath.

All I am trying to say is that we can all have our opinions and they are all valid. But no one will know how they are going to react if/or when it happens to THEIR family.

My favorite statement in the blog was

"Had he [his father] died of a car accident or some unthinking action of ANOTHER. I would want those that did not know this man to at least ponder why."

All the while the sentiment is that something "could have been done to prevent it!" We feel that this tragedy did not have to happen & only if the perpetrator would have done the "right" thing then this would have not happened. We need to show the world what can be done to prevent this from happening again!

That's the only thing we all want! simply to be aknowledged and to never be forgotten...

Answers to Questions I never knew I had...

I finally got the answer to the question I didn't even know I had this week!

Let me explain. For about two weeks I have been trying to get together with RB who not only is a friend but also works for me. We would schedule a meeting and all week long our meetings would end up not happening or getting rescheduled. This happened about five times. I needed to get some work done & was needing it complete ASAP. So finally we scheduled a meeting for Saturday 11am. This is unusual since he works at his office in the morning & I usually sleep in on Saturdays.

Anyway I was there at 11am. I am sitting there discussing the project and his wife, MB is in the background making phone calls. MB seems to be upset, but RB is focusing on the project. As we are talking, MB walks up behind RB and stands over his shoulders. I look up and realize that she is quietly crying.

I ask MB if she is ok & she replies "no - I just found out that Mike passed away!" Mike is a 97yr old neighbor of hers that she was very close to. I start to feel the pain MB is feeling and the love she has for Mike. She tells me that Mike did not have any kids and the nearest kin was half-way across the country. Mike always had something beautiful to say. His words were elloquent and inspiring. MB tells me that "Mike is a very loving person & I am going to really miss him." As she is telling me this, she askes me if I felt Mike as his soul left his body.

At that moment I realized that I did feel his presence. Mike had intervined all week long in scheduling the meetings. The meetings did not work out (and as you may know by now - I do not believe in coincidences) so that I can be here for her at this very private, very precious moment. See even with all the missed appointments all I dreamt about this entire week was of peace.

I was there to convay to her Mike's expression of peace for her & to allow her to express to Mike her love for him.

The funeral was private. Only loved ones - his caregiver, RB & MB.

Daily Journey

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey..."

"We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals."

- Stephen Covey

Today this quote is extremely appropriate!

Exciting progress

I have defined two projects that will be the core of Descansos.org - Both are really exciting and are intended to achieve the intent, but in different timelines.

First - there's the Roadside Memorial Garden::

So what I would like to achieve is to create a memorial garden along the public highways of Florida....
The families have a need to keep the loss, caused by a vehicular accident, in the public eye! Mostly so that this tragedy is not forgotten & so that it does not occur to another family.
Even without the consent/ approval/ acceptance of the state officials I will continue!!! Yes, it will take several years of trying to get the state to even listen to me.

Second - There's the Painted Memories Project ::
Joe Kipikash, a Tampa area filmmaker involved in making a documentary and a fictional film (called Descansos) explores the idea of roadside memorials. He said "Death -- it's been very sanitized. Everything is very neat and clean. People don't like to talk about death... in some way family and friends are sort of reaching out to the community and talking about death" through the memorials.

The roadside markers serve two purposes. First: families mourning can find closure in seeing a marker at the place where their loved one died. Second: the memorials carry a message. According to Todd McCallum, assistant professor of psychology at Case Western Reserve University, "They serve as a warning to other drivers, saying that they lost a family member here..." Clearly the message is for the general public - to:

"Drive Safely" somebody lost their life here!

As humans we need to obtain closure in order to continue. Without closure people tend to suffer over and over again, mostly because the memory and story of the death is alive and real within us.

So the mission of the Painted Memories Project is to get the message out. By telling the story, my hope is that the families will be able to relase the pain and suffering that sometimes becomes a stranglehold. I want this story to live outside of them, a new life - in an artistic creation, so that they can see themselves free to love and live again - in spite of the loss.

Dori Slosberg & Friends

Yesterday I attended the 10th anniversity of the accident that took the life of Dori Slosberg & four of her friends. 10 years ago, on February 23rd 1996, five teens lost their lives in a horrendous car crash on Palmetto Park Road. The 19yr old driver lost control at 90mph; crossed the median; crashed into an oncoming vehicle and changed the lives of these families forever!


Among the victims was Florida State Rep. Irving Slosberg's daughter, Dori (14 yrs old); her friends Margaux (13 yrs old), Carolina (14 yrs old), Crystal (15 yrs old) & Ryan (15 yrs old). Such a senseless tragedy for such a young group of kids...

Nine kids snuck out of a movie theater, piled into a compact car and sped down the road carelessly enjoying their youth. The results of a carefree night of fun ended in a tragedy. Five teens killed; 1 teen left a quadriplegic; 1 teen and 3 women suffered severe injuries; the driver, a 19 yr old teenage, charged with the accident, forgotten about in jail.

Five families lost a child and many more left to deal with this tragedy.

The possibility of...
friendship and respect endures for all eternity thru this memorial.

More Images

DANNYEL PASSETO
1972-2002
BOCA RATON.

I learned that he left behind a family that loves him.

He liked Arizona Ice Tea (as do I) & he is loved by his family.

Live flowers indicate that this memorial is being maintained by loved ones.

BOCA RATON
Somebody takes care of this marker with live flowers.

The day I took this picture, the lawn maintenance crew was trimming the lawn and were manually & respectfully cutting back some overgrown weeds off the marker.

Anonymous Memorial

ANONYMOUS
A stainless steel cross finely crafted and lovingly devoted. Made so that it will never wear away, never fade away...
Never deminish, like the public interest in the memories of the crash.

THE EDGE
The edge between light and shadow is lovingly marked so that no one can ever forget.

The message of love, loss & remembrance is boldly stated for everyone to know that someone crossed over right here.

Approaching the Gateway

I don't want to put thoughts into your mind. Yes, the realist in me would say that this is just camera failure - leave it at that. But why now? Why for images of the descansos?

Sorry can't help myself - what are these people doing in the middle of the road!? This image looks like white lighters are waiting for me at the gateway. Welcoming me to another world.

Just look at the larger image I you will see what I mean.

What is Yet to Come

This is a third image, I'm posting, of my first attempt to photograph the descanso.

As I explained, I can take pictures just fine. I have done it before, actually the pictures I took just hours before were fine. But now that I am trying to document the descansos - the pictures are, all of a sudden, not coming out well.

Anyway, the images I did get are very surreal & almost mystic. This image looks like a group of people heading up the road off into the sunset. What is yet to come is only available ahead of the roadway.

Waiting Around

Another picture that ended up differently than intended. This was after taking the image of the "descanso" marker. On my way back home I took some images of the road. Again it was broad daylight (look at the lightpost - no lights on) but the image is dark & ominous. The sky was a bright blue & the clouds were white with a bright red glow from the setting sun. The impression that I got from this image is of a group of people just waiting around. Almost like drifting souls looking for direction & guidance. Off to the left comes the white lighters that will guide them further.

I cannot understand what happened (I know - camera failure) but the images are quite eerie & mystically wonderful.