We Live, We Love, We forgive & Never Give Up

I just received an email from a friend, Donna. She sent me Superchick's "We Live" (MP3) song - this is such a great song! The part that is most impactful is:

The weather in life outside is storming
But what would it take for the clouds to break
For us to realize each day is a gift somehow, someway
So get our heads up out of the darkness
And spark this new mindset and start to live life
cuz it ain't gone yet
And tragedy is a reminder to take off the blinders
And wake up and live the life we're supposed to take up
Moving forward with all our heads up cuz life is worth living

It comes at a perfect time. My wife & I came to the conclusion, this morning, that we (including my son) have not really dealt with the passing of my father-in-law. Yes, we were fine that it was his time to go, & our son accepted it - but we never really had closure. We were just discussing it this morning because our son says that Pipo (grandpa) comes to talk with him at night & that he is scared. He doesn't even want to talk about Pipo because it makes him "cry."

This song has allowed us to forgive and remember to live & to love. We are now setting a date for a memorial service now that the 3yr anniversary of his passing is coming up.

"We live, we love, we forgive & never give up!"
Thank you Donna for the song. It is inspiring and a great message.

I Love you Enough...

I just read this great story ::

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter’s departure had been announced.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, “I love you and I wish you enough.” The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.”

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?” “I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said. When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, “I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?”

She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. “When we said ‘I wish you enough’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”.

Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you posses.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, An hour to appreciate them, A day to love them...
and an entire life to forget them.

Baby Grace :: Update

This morning, in the process of moving my office, I found a copy of the letter I wrote to the CEO of Sun Recycling on December 28, 2006. Sun Recycling is where Baby Grace's body was found in the dumpster back in November. See on Dec 21st, Sun Recycling provided a funeral service to honor her death and again I had a hard time dealing with this story. I could not live with the news story that one-day old Baby Grace, was laid to rest. I could not accept that a human being could discarded a baby like yesterday's trash. I could not accept that a human being can be so cold & heartless.

But judgements do nothing but criticize. Actually what I could not accept was living with my own inadequacies - my story that a single human cannot make any difference. See my story sounded like this: "That's just the way things are..." and "It's unfair but what can I do about it?..." I have valid reasons for being this way & I hear that story running like a tape in my head - over and over again... I got sick of it!!! I cannot just sit here & let it go by like yesterday's news - into the trash. I could not accept that things had to be like this.

Appropriately so the week I was looking for what I can do, the S.E.L.P. classroom was about "being unreasonable." Living outside of the reasons we give ourselves; beyond the limits we live in; beyond an ordinary life and just living into an extraordinary life. So I took on that challenge. I want an extra-ordinary life!

So I made an "unreasonable" request! My letter requested that, besides being unreasonable in providing funeral services for a baby he never knew, I wanted him to be even more unreasonable. I wanted him to allow me to create a Roadside Memorial for Baby Grace on his property. The request was so that I can create my live outside my limits and beyond my reasons. And so that in living an unreasonable life I can dream of an unreasonable society where - not one more baby gets discarded into the trash.

A month went by with no reply and I started to feel small again. My reasons showed up again. Reasons like: "this is just too morbid" - "too weird." - "I don't have any relationship with this poor baby." - "this is too much work!" It is these very reasons that kept my humanity small!

So this morning, as I am thinking of this letter, I get a phone call from Sun Recycling. The call caught me off guard since the man, Andy P. quickly introduced himself and went right into - what are you asking of us! I thought he was going to say no - but he went right into "what do you want to create and what do we have to deal with."

I am amazed at the generosity of these men! The level of commitment, love and compassion. This is inspiring to see the better side of our humanity.

Baby Grace

There has been this story in the newspapers that is still gnawing at me.

On Nov 20, a baby girl, named Baby Grace by investigators, was found in a construction dumpster - umbilical cord still attached. The first thing I thought was "how can anyone just dump a baby like a pile of trash?" But this thought came from anger and a sense that "where has our humanity gone?" I realize that these are negative thoughts and are judgemental. I don't know anything about the mother & what could be going on in her world.

Maybe she is a teen mother who felt all alone in this world & maybe she was scared of being responsible for a baby's life. Maybe she was scared to death! What would her parents do to her if they found out!? Maybe the mother is an adult who is in danger herself. I have no clue therefore cannot judge at all! Only God can do that.

But I cannot help being drawn to this little girl's story. I still cannot get over being angry & sad for what happened to her.

I have this need to do something about it. I don't know what I can do for this little girl, but I do have this need to restore my faith in humanity. And maybe in doing so I can bring dignity to her death.

Learning to forgive

Every morning

Imagine every morning waking up and feeling;
"I don't want to live another day without my
child in my life."

Feeling that, on the side of the highway
is where my child left this world.
Alone and hurt, you left this life
To live anew -
free of pain and sorrow.

But waking up, I see your empty bed.
Everybody tells me that I must get closure.
So again I try gathering your clothes and
start putting them in boxes - ready to go.
But as I drive to work and see your memorial,
on the side of the road, the tears come...
all over again.

Every morning I feel the rage and anger
for that careless driver who took
your life from me.

Every night I feel your absence.

But every morning I awake again
and try to live another day
because I know I must.
God does have bigger plans for me.

I wake up and continue my life because
I don't want yours to be forgotten.
I need to let the world know that
you are a person of significance.

That you mattered - to me!

I need to remember, I need to live!
To be free and to laugh again.
I am the only one that can set me free!
And for that I need to learn to forgive.

Forgive them, forgive you...
- forgive me.


These words came to me early in the morning. I awoke and sat down with the urge to write. These words are not mine and the feelings expressed are not my feelings but feel them I do. I am sobbing with such pain and sorrow as I write these words. The pain and suffering that these words express is running all my emotions and are mine to feel. I am feeling the pain of a parent who has lost a child - though I have not.

At first I reasoned them to be hollow because I have not lost a child so how can I be writing in first person. I even tried to rewrite them from a stranger's perspective & It just would not be. So I accepted what was coming to me.

Secondly a thought entered my mind for a moment. I always have these premonition in my dreams - so could this be of a future day in my life?? NO not my only son!!!! The emotions became horrifying for a second and the pain and sorrow became mine. Then I got present to where these words were coming from.

About 2 weeks ago I took pictures of a roadside Memorial of a 9yr old girl who lost her life because of a careless driver. The DUI driver ran a red light & side swiped the van driven by this little girl's mom. I am at the site taking pictures & I get this overwhelming sensation that someone is watching me & trying to tell me something. No not an average Joe, but an other-worldy somebody. So I got anxious & I freaked out - hastenly I took the pictures and left.

Ever since then, the face of this little fair-skinned, platinum blonde girl is in my thoughts. I have seen this face before & now for the past two weeks, I cannot shake it. So now I realize that these words are a message that must be communicated.

So you might say that I have just made a giant leap, but it is clear to me the connection. The message is what was being communicated to me at the memorial site - it is what freaked me out - I just did not want to hear it at the time. But I am the one who gets these messages & this is what needs to be communicated. As I explained in previous post, I have been getting this type of messages most of life.

But several months ago I started to accept this ability and declared a new possibility to live my life around.

I declared : The Possibility of being the One to deliver God's message of Peace, Love and Fulfillment.
And here it is - I must deliver it. Every bit of my body tells me that this I must do.

Now don't think that these messages come clearly and easily to me. Its been two weeks of ups and downs - maybe because I was resisting it. Lots of confusion and unclear thought has occurred in my life. So when I declared my possibility I asked for clarity and signs of what I needed to understand. And I got those signs.

The way that I get them is thru subtle signs in my own life. Over the past two weeks I've had incidents where my communications with others has gone wrong. Far too many occurrences where what was expressed either did not make it to the party intended or just misunderstandings of what I had communicated.

You may call them coincidences, but I do not believe in coincidences anymore. All my life I've have had far too many signs of that - just that I did not want to see them.

So when I looked at what was occurring, I found what was missing in my mode of communication. I saw that I was missing clarity and just allowing the communications to occur. As soon as I distinguished that & declared the Possibility of Clarity and Self-Expression - bam! this message comes thru loud and clearly.

Again the pattern is that I have a vivid dream and in the morning I know I need to act. Now with my new possibility the next step requires action. Ok so how do I communicate the message of peace & acceptance to a parent who is probably still grieving and may not want to hear it? How do I tell a parent that this is the message I got from her daughter when I visited her memorial?

Like Nike says... "Just Do It!"

Human Nature...

If you believe as I do ...

no one truly dies until there's no one left to remember them.

...then you can understand why somebody would put up a roadside memorial marker for a loved one.

This came up because I was reading the Wichita Eagle blog and there were a lot of comments by people who cannot understand why somebody would put up a marker. The comments ranged from "I can sympathize, but..." to "I don't get it..." to some as callous as "People eventually get over the death of a loved one. That's human nature..."

When a loved one dies of natural causes, yes grieving is just a matter of time because there is nothing that "I could have done to prevent it."

But when their life is taken by a careless/ distracted/ drunk driver - before their time - then no! it is not as easy to get over it.

I know families who are still grieving, even years after the loss. Some fatalities were so tragic that there was no body to bury. Where can they go to show their respect? The only spot they have is the actual site where their loved one took their last breath.

All I am trying to say is that we can all have our opinions and they are all valid. But no one will know how they are going to react if/or when it happens to THEIR family.

My favorite statement in the blog was

"Had he [his father] died of a car accident or some unthinking action of ANOTHER. I would want those that did not know this man to at least ponder why."

All the while the sentiment is that something "could have been done to prevent it!" We feel that this tragedy did not have to happen & only if the perpetrator would have done the "right" thing then this would have not happened. We need to show the world what can be done to prevent this from happening again!

That's the only thing we all want! simply to be aknowledged and to never be forgotten...

Your Soul Family

Mike's death left me with some unfinished business. I needed to communicate to MB that Mike did not die alone. Even though his blood family was not at his funeral, his new family - his soul family - was there to be with him. So I emailed her a piece of the short story I am writing to communicate this to her.

This is the story of Kirk. He is a bitter old man who is forgotten about in a Florida nursing home. He is bitter because he feels that his family has abandoned him there. His friend are all passing away and he finds himself all alone. But his caregiver, Mercy loves him more than he thought was possible to be loved. She gives of herself more than his own family.

...It is the day of Pipo's funeral. As the car approaches the funeral home, Kirk sees Mercy. Mercy, I'm sorry about your dad and I'm sorry that I was so self-involved to realize who you are for me in my life. I have been a fool! "You are a fool..." adds Mercy, jokingly. “You've never noticed that you have my family that loves you. You were ready to throw that away!

Do you see that families are not created solely by blood, you know." She continues. "Some families are just grown from the possibility of love, compassion and respect for one another. Sharing that with another, so profoundly, makes them a soul family."

Mercy continues "The gift that we all possess is the gift of listening - just listening! Sharing your listening is a wonderful gift. Nothing more is asked of you! Just take the time to do this compassionately and you will see a change in your life! All we need to do is share that love and you will have us as family. All I want is for you to allow us to share that with you."

Mercy started to crack Kirk's impenetrable shell. She is pealing off layer of that onion he wraps himself into. She opened up his frozen heart and Kirk was now able to allow himself to be loved. He was fully able to live the possibility of Love and Peace in his life.

Several months have passed since Kirk realized the true meaning of family and those months have been the most wonderful months of his life. His life was profoundly impacted and he was living the Possibility of Love and Peace. He even made it his mission to spread that to every soul he met and people started to see him not as a grumpy old man - but as a loving one. He was finally living a life he enjoyed and was even having fun getting to know people. He even inspired people to love him for who he was being.

But tonight is an unsettling evening for us. See Kirk has been sick for several weeks and the doctors do not give him much time. I feel that he is going to leave this earthly plain real soon.

See, last night I had one of my vivid dreams where I am one of two souls playing in the clouds. The two clouds swirling and chasing one another in a playful exhibition of joy. Pure white clouds - with nothing but a beautiful blue sky to serve as a backdrop. I am living a peaceful and loving interaction with Kirk’s soul. We are having so much fun just experiencing one another, when all of a sudden he pulls away. I feel him saying goodbye as he swooshes away to never return! As he flies off, I wake up from my dream, completely out of breath and wheezing for air. It takes me a few moments to get my air back. It is now 4:30 in the morning and the phone rings. Mercy, don’t tell me its Kirk” I said. Yes, how did you know. The doctors give him only a few more moments, please come down as soon as possible.

I wake up Marc and rush right over to the hospital. I think I ran thru that last stop light at the corner of Lantana and Congress. When I get to the hospital, all I can do is pace back & forth with no sense of peace. Marc falls asleep on the uncomfortable chairs & I try to comfort him into thinking that nothing is wrong. He is here about to lose another friend and all I want to do is shield him from this loss. I don't know what else to do.

I heard a soft voice call my name & I walk over into Kirk’s room in ICU. I leaned over, kissed his forehead & whispered "I love you." I feel a soft squeeze from his time-weathered hand. He just lays there peacefully sleeping for a few more minutes, when all of a sudden, I feel his spirit rush thru as a quick gust passes in front of me. Strangely it smelled like violets - his favorite flower!

At that moment the expression of pain that had his brow wrapped up in a tight clench eased up. The tense frown that dominated his pale red lips now seems to banish & the pink color returns to them momentarily. A tiny tear, tries to squeeze its way out from the wrinkled corner of his right eye. The tear slowly leaves his sky blue eye and starts to drip down his cheek.

As it trails down his weathered face, Mercy takes her soft laced, white linen handkerchief and lovingly wipes away any fears of death that may be growing.

I see the signs of death creeping up on Kirk. His face has a different look and his soul is no longer present. It has lifted away and is about to leave the room when Kirk lovingly utters his last words, "I love you!”

That night Kirk passed away -- not alone as had always been the haunting of his nightmares -- but with his new found 'soul' family by his side.

As his spirit leaves him, Kirk's soul reaches out to Mercy and gives her one last gift - a beautiful legacy! A heart song playing in the background:


"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say...
It is well, it is well, with my soul."


This soft acapella theme, accompanied by angelic sounds speaks to her like angels singing directly to her soul. This song is forever connected with Kirk for her. It plays quietly in her heart every day of her life. With every step, with every challenge, with every triumph, it serves to give her peace & serenity, knowing that Kirk is with God.

Ohh! but most exciting of all – without fail - this angel song accompanies Mercy in her life. It now has been six months since Kirk passed away and there have been good days & bad ones. But everytime Mercy questions God for taking Kirk, this beautiful song comes on the radio. Every time Mercy's path is in question, or when life falters for her. Whenever Mercy is afraid and steps away from God, she is reminded that she is not alone. This is Kirk's way of letting Mercy know that he is with her - every step of the way - every day of her life.

He is one with her soul. And it is well with her soul. His message of love and peace is clearly and lovingly declared - now the whole world will forever know who Kirk is.

Peace is with him now and may love and peace forever fill your soul.